Purity Damages Marriages?

A couple of weeks ago, a shocking article appeared in a local national newspaper in South Africa. The content of the article centrered on a couple of reasons why so many marriages wither, even for newly-weds.
A certain sexologist by the name of Elmari Craig gave her opinion and commented saying, that remaining a virgin until your wedding night can be destructive for the wellness of your marriage. According to her, remaining pure suppresses your sexual urges which is often the reason why couples lose their spark when they’re married.

Heartbroken at her words, I wrote her a letter, and I sent it off to the news agency who published the article. Our youth are desperate need for the truth. If this is the advice they’re given, from so called “experts”, how will their questions ever be answered?

Here is a link to the article, if you can read Afrikaans. If you can’t, try an online translator.

Below is my letter to Dr Craig.

I’ll keep you updated on the letter’s happenings.


Dr Elmari Craig

RE: Die Burger Article – Pasgetroud… en jou voete kiele nie myne

Following your commentary on the article, “Pasgetroud… en jou voete kielie nie myne” that appeared in Die Burger a couple of weeks ago, I am appalled to hear that a sexologist thinks so little of us young people. I would have thought that your words would echo some form of exemplary nature, but I was devastated. I’m not sure what you base your knowledge on, but it is definitely wrong.

Having sex before marriage is as self-destructive as walking into a fire. Regardless of how long it takes, you WILL get burnt. I got the impression that you are convinced that there are hardly any more people who keep themselves sexually pure until marriage, and the few that you’ve heard of receive very little praise from you.

I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but there are still many of us around in this world who keep ourselves pure, and our forces are growing stronger by the day.

And even if we were only a few, or better yet, if it were just me, I would be proud to prove you wrong.

I have yet to tell you that the day I get married, I will not be like an old run-down car that needs to be oiled and panelbeated. No! Its God’s natural gift that pumps in my blood, I’m storing up passion and I will look back at my single years with joy and contentment, and a grateful heart to God for sparing me from being used and feeling second-hand.

How will you ever know how sweet love really tastes if you don’t wait for it? I’m already feeling the bursting and unexplainable joy when I can look into my newly-wed husband’s eyes and tell him, “I loved you before I knew you. That’s why I waited!”

Neither you nor anyone else will ever be able to rob me of this glorious conviction, and neither you nor anyone else will ever be able to convince me otherwise.

So if you’re still wondering, true love is worth waiting for. I love being pure and I’m proud of it.


8 responses to “Purity Damages Marriages?

  1. I love your letter that you wrote to the newspaper. So many good points in it. 🙂 I can’t believe some of the articles in newspapers!


  2. I read the article by copying and pasting into Google translator, and I was just as appalled as you! I could not believe the words I was reading from this person and what they had to say on this subject!!!
    At times it makes me so mad, but then I start to feel very sorry for people who do not see God’s word as clearly (if at all)! I am so thankful to the Lord for protecting me from such terrible circumstances that could have caused me to stumble. PRAISE THE LORD for his mercys are new every morning, and my more of us young ladies and men come together and stand for the Word of God and proclame it to the ends of the earth!
    I was very encouraged by your letter back to the person who wrote the saddening article, at times it does feel like we are the only ones who feel this way, but we are not! You are not alone Salome, you at least have me on your side all the way, defending my purity right along with you (even if we are worlds away!! lol 🙂

    Blessings dear sister,

    Grace and Peace in our Lord,

    Miss Antoinette

  3. Oh, my. I heard about this article the other day while perusing online news. It’s so sad how misled this woman is! How robbed the people who take her advice are! I love your letter, forceful, graceful, and loving. God bless!

  4. Dear Salome
    I have not read this article in which I was quoted, nor have I received your ‘letter’. As a Christian I really strive not to condemn follow believers especially if I am not certain of the context in which certain statements were quoted. I do however believe that sexuality is a God-given gift and sacred. As a ‘so-called’sexologist and marital therapist I do however see many couples with huge feelings of guilt or sexual dysfunctions because they suppressed all their sexual feelings before marriage. I do believe sexuality should be treated with responsibility and people (young people) should know why they make certain decisions and not because it is fear based but because it is best for them emostionally, physically and spiritually. I do however not promote sex before marriage.

  5. I just found your blog via feelin’ feminine. I’ve enjoyed those who write for it.

    I believe, too, that sex should be saved for marriage and in marriage is it truly beautiful and wonderful. I’ve been married for 4 years now and we have more fun together now than we did on our wedding night. the key is being sensitive to the other and making sure the other is satisfied. Men are wired so differently from women, its a different process for us, but pop culture has decided the process is the same. Thus, women will not be satisfied, not in marriage and not out of marriage. I am happy to discuss this further, but feel its getting a bit off course from your initial post. Sex should be saved for marriage and marriage only, and then it should be celebrated and enjoyed.

    Thank you for speaking so boldly about purity, I’m glad to see it.

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